Life....it's weird sometimes.

It's funny, I had a picture in my head of how I wanted my life to go.  I was very nearly approaching the fulfillment of that before we moved from California.  This is what it looked like in my mind.  Marry my high school sweetheart, after mission and college etc. of course.  Buy a house...have a dog, a cat, chickens (I've always wanted to have chickens), large backyard with a swing-set or playground for our 10 children, food stored away, a sweet job for my husband that payed him abundantly for his plethora of talents, and we have our families surrounding us. That meant that we would have Sunday dinners together with all the cousins, aunts and uncles over as well as friends from high school and their kids.....

I very nearly had all of that. 

First picture:  me, my cousin Talia, and my sister Melissa.  I was 6 months, Talia was 7 months, and Mel was 7 1/2 months....yes, I was HUGE.  And no, I don't need anyone to tell me that!
Second picture: Conner hugging our dog Jazz.  Actually I think Jazz was hugging Conner.  She loved him!
Third picture:  Ariel and Sally, our cats when they were little.
Fourth picture:  Ethan on the Feather River wanted to catch a fish REALLY bad.
Fifth picture:  kids with their friend Natalie looking at all the stuff in the river.

You'll notice that my husband was not in any of these pictures.  Which is because he was rarely around.  Now that is not the case he is home every day and is able to take days off to go on field trips with our kids when it's important to them.  I love that.  I traded everything else for my family.  That's a bit how I see it....and I'm not sorry, but I won't pretend that it's been easy for me.

I was plugging along in this adventure that I have affectionately called our "Virginia adventure" when I found out that my Gramma was not doing well.  She had fallen while staying at my sisters place.  We found out later the reason for the fall was because she had, had a small stroke.  I felt bad but this had happened before and figured she would hobble along for another year maybe two.  One day while sitting in primary, it was the second week in March we were singing "My Heavenly Father Loves Me".  As I was  singing it for the 6th time I started thinking of my Gramma.   Instantly I had the impression that she would be passing very soon.  Tears followed and I thought....this is silly....she's gonna be fine.  I knew she wouldn't though.  This is a subject for another post but suffice it to say that she passed the third week in March.  I wasn't surprised that she passed.  I was surprised at how much it affected me though.  We had talked about her passing before I moved.  I knew when I was moving that I was saying Goodbye to my sweet Gramma.  I knew it was not just for now but until I saw her again in the next life.  It made the move even harder.  I ususally am able to post/write something about people who mean a lot to me.  Some sort of  "memoire" I guess you could call it.  I couldn't this time.  I put it off until I got back from her funeral....

I'm back from her funeral and I still haven't done it.  I am having a hard time being here in Virginia too.  Ever since I got back, I just want to go "home" to California.  I just want my life back the way it was..  I know that it isn't going to be that way.  Living back in California won't be happening, and Gramma won't be there.  It just threw me for a loop.  I have had a hard time being in Virginia ever since.  I'm now throwing myself into my life here the best I can.  I'm going to go to Time Out For Women.....I'm babysitting some really cute little ones, teaching Ethan some pre-school skills.....enjoying time with my family and developing some relationships with the good folks here.  I have to add at this point, that, to be very honest, it could be so much worse.  This is my house....

.....it is surrounded by things that are green and not brown.....and sometimes it even snows!!  I'm blessed.  And I know I am.  I just need to remember that when I feel like I want to go home....